why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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