was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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