She is in my trunk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
