We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
