Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
