Will you blow on my dice?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
