I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
