I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
