I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
