the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
