Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
