Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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