Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
