Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Panties = found
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
