i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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