Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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