dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
