You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
