I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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