if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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