Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
