Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate all girls vehemently.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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