pedialite and red bull = repair kit
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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