i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
