Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
