the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
