I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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