We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
