um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
