my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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