Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
