I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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