YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
