i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
