someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
