Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
