dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
