The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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