For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
