she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
