Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
