the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
