Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
