Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
