I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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