high people should be assigned attendants
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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