its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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