Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
