My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish I only lived at night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
