after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
