"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
