How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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