You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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