I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
