Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
