I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found puke in my bra..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
