WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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